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'Why do you shave your head?'
I started to post this as a response to the question “Why do you shave your head?,” which Pam Fitros asked this Alopecia World group. I posted this blog instead because I wanted to share my answer with the entire community.
Back in 2010 I saw an advertisement for “It’s All Good Hair,” a “natural hair” workshop and celebration sponsored by the Shrine of the Black Madonna at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History in Detroit, Michigan.
I felt that I fit into that category and attended the event with my husband, rj. During one of the workshops, rj snapped a photo of me, and when I later looked at it, I recalled not feeling out of place at all. In fact, I felt that I belonged there.
I saw some beautiful natural hairstyles at the event, but never once did I feel a pang in my heart wishing I had what they have. Never once did I long for my hair. Somewhere along my alopecia journey, my desire for hair dissipated and I gained a genuine and deep satisfaction with what I now see in the mirror and project to the world.
Unlike years ago, when I use to shave my head simply because it is easier and more comfortable than wearing a wig, I now do so because I truly love the way I look as a “naturally” bald woman.
Or, to paraphrase Sheila Jacobs, author of The Big Fall, I happily shave my head bald because I have transformed the stigma of alopecia into “my” distinction.
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Comment by rj, Co-founder on September 21, 2010 at 12:11am
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Babe, it's always an honor to accompany you. However, I also recall something you pointed out after the event: It's all about loving and accepting yourself. That was the most important message of the event, and it's a message that you live well, indeed. :-)
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on September 21, 2010 at 1:46am
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why do I shave???.....I know now or at least for this part of my journey, its because I couldnt keep hurting myself by cleaning up my hair off the floors and throwing myself into the garbage. Have I embraced the bald me??? Good question. I know I feel tons better. Whether I wear a wig, scarf, hat or nothing at all. I look in the mirror and see a happier person. I still worry about acceptance but I know my true friends will be there always.
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Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on September 21, 2010 at 2:14am
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Thank you babe. Thanks for living it with me ;)
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Hi Terri, I see that you are in the beginning of your head-shaving journey, just a few weeks. I can tell you that as time goes by, you will probably find that hair will be less and less a thought to you. Expect some struggles from time to time. I know a couple of times I have been taken off guard and hit with a situation that hurt a bit. But I re-focused on the reason why I made this decision and kept my course. Thanks for sharing Terri!
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Comment by Carol on September 21, 2010 at 6:33pm
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You said it well Cheryl, or quoted well? "I happily shave my head bald because I have transformed the stigma of alopecia into “my” distinction". Any and all of our problems can be transformed into something we can accept and cope with. It's not about doing things in spite of our pain but doing thing with our pain. Eventually the pain goes away or learns how to take a back seat and you are able to live a happy, vital life. I no longer dread being bald, I no longer yearn for it to return, I just am. One thing I really do enjoy about shaving though is the smell of the aftershave I use in the air, on my clothes, on my pillows, etc. after a fresh shave. I enjoy other aspects of it too but aftershave wasn't mentioned. :P
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> It's not about doing things in spite of our pain but doing thing with our pain.
Nice, Carol. Thanks for the reminder. :-)
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Comment by kastababy on September 21, 2010 at 9:19pm
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Why do I shave my head? At first, like many of us, I shaved my head because I didn't want to live with the patches anymore. Later, it became because my head caused me too much physical pain when I allowed the hair to grow. That reasoning then morphed into rebelling and trying to prove to my ex that I was the same person with or without hair. I've spent the last year reflecting upon this question as I've tried new shave creams and expanded my boundaries and let go of all the resentment I've built over the years toward family, friends, and just about anyone who has hair and makes a big deal of it. I recall an argument that I constantly have with my mother, who still insists on me wearing a wig or my scarves to keep my head covered because it makes HER feel better. My answer to her actually shocked her into silence -- I asked her, "Has anyone ever asked you to put on white makeup because it would make them feel better about YOU being black? If nobody has ever asked you to change the color of your skin, then don't make me have hair because that's not who I am." I go back to that statement because that really is the reason. I no longer shave because I'm trying to please someone or fit a mold, but because being bald is who I am.
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Comment by David B327 on February 14, 2011 at 2:16am
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Hi Cheryl
I could not possibly count the number of times I’ve been asked that question in the 30+ years since I’ve been shaving my head. Your comments are eloquent, but after many years of being asked the same question my response evolved to a terse “Why do you NOT shave your head?”
I see you refer to “The Big Fall”. Sadly I’ve lost touch with Sheila, but I did meet her when she still lived over here. Such a positive person.
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Hi David, I met Sheila many years ago too at a NAAF conference. I don't know if she would remember me, but I read her entire book on my plane ride home after that conference.
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I found out recently (don't know why it didn't occur to me before) that Isaac Hayes and Pat Evans had a relationship. Both of course were iconic figures from the 1970s. So 40 years on from that women are being asked why they shave their heads. Why should this be the case?
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