Waiving the white flag - my surrender to AU

I've been through so many stages of this disease in the past 12 months.  And each has been harder to accept and deal with than the one before.

First, last summer, I watched my little soul patch be whittled away to nothing.  But it still seemed to be locally confined to my face.  I hated the random patches where whiskers still persisted, and explored permanent removal of lingering hairs and endured hundreds of shots, but the fight was a losing one.

Then, this January, I was stunned to see a patch inside my hairline.  A couple mirrors and some scrutiny revealed that there were actually several.  Steroid creams did nothing to stem the expansion, and by March the comb-overs and other styling tricks had lost their effectiveness and it was time to shave it all off.  Fortunately I was able to do the initial bald head as part of a Shave-for-the-Brave fundraiser.  That gave me an initial excuse to keep word of my disease close to the vest while I acclimated.  Despite being reasonably pleased with my bald look, I once again had to face the bizarre lizard-like effect of the patches of remaining follicles.  My enemy shifted from bald patches to hair patches.  How strange.  But, eventually a shaving system emerged and I became increasingly confident in my look and wore hats less and less, confiding in a wider group about my circumstances.

Two weeks ago I realized swim suit season was here and set out to inventory the body hair situation.  I figured that by shaving my body hair down close the contrast with the bald head would be minimized.  I started with the razor and began to find patch after patch - - - soon I'd identified more than ten.  Once identified I watched them expand by the day.  And rapidly grow in number.  There are too many to count now.

Most recently, I was putting my morning ritual of steroids and sunscreens on my face when I was stunned to see that almost half of my eyelashes on my left eye were gone.  To this point my eyes (lashes and brows) had been spared - I talked about losing them once in a while, but still didn't really think it could/would happen.  Since then I've realized not just the appearance factor, but the functionality of the lashes.  Stinging sweat and chlorine have no buffers and infiltrate the eye at will.

So, I surrender.  I will sit and watch the fulfillment of the takeover.  You win, AU.  And thanks for waking up my Vitiligo for good measure - that was thoughtful - glad to see you Auto Immune Diseases stick together. Can you just go all the way with this ASAP, please.  The waiting (and watching) is the hardest part.

Views: 182

Comment by Tallgirl on June 11, 2014 at 12:26am

Yep. I get it.

Comment by Matt on June 29, 2014 at 5:40pm
Good post about a truly sucky subject. The only wafer thin positive is that writing about it and sharing is a little therapeutic for u and us others who relate.

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