Comment by Jo Jo on July 20, 2010 at 11:33pm

Alexandra, I understand COMPLETELY. I found myself going through something really similar but then said to myself , THE HECK WITH IT. Love is being able to give your all and if I can not have that then it is not worth me or my time. I have let go off shadey relationships and people and KNOW that I deserve someone that is going to love me UNCONDItTIONALLY and if he can not do that then HE is not worth me stressing (and increasing my shed lol) over. Good luck.

Comment by Tallgirl on July 20, 2010 at 11:57pm

No one knows these things in advance, with hair or without.

I have two thoughts, related to your two feelings above:

1. Why is this on-again, off-again tightrope so wonderful? How would you feel if this was forever?

2. Your guy says he loves you, however, so why not just go with it and possibly have the best time of your life, even if for awhile? Is it because you really don't love him as much? Is someone else, even yourself, telling you something to cast doubts? If you broke with him once, maybe you had a reason that still hasn't been quite resolved. Are you just with him for security, not because you WANT to be? Explore that WANT factor vs the HAVE TO CUZ THERE'S NOBODY ELSE factor....which fits? Which would feel better for ten or more years? How would you feel if this was for NEVER?

Give yourself some time to explore it...to talk, and share truths. I guess if you shaved your head, you'd find out for REAL if he has staying power! Wouldn't reality ultimately be something you would have to face, anyway?

Comment by Norm on July 21, 2010 at 12:51pm

Jeez, Alex.... I don't think you ever need to be concerned about other people hurting you, cos you seem to be managing that OK on your own!!
From what you're saying, it does sound like On/Off Man doesn't want you bald, and rather than just saying "hey, it could go either way", he's trying to convince the pair of you that it'll never happen. So that's a massive weight to be carrying for starters.... what will he do if if goes down to the wire (or in this case, your scalp?) But equally, I get the feeling that you're hanging onto him because you're scared you won't find anyone else, and that's a pretty pants reason to be with anyone. The reason it's "working" between you right now is because neither of you is actually committing fully to it - you're both dancing around the edges of a proper relationship and preparing to jump ship if the worst happens.... which it will, for sure, cos i don't think either of you really see a future there, do you?

So let's take a step back from this unsatisfactory thing you've got going, and address the real reason why you're with him - the fact you don't think you'll find a guy. OK, so you say "99% of those around you are turned off by the thought of a shaved head". Have you actually asked them all, or is that a gut feeling? Even if it's true, which I seriously doubt, that still means 1% AREN'T turned off. So instead of thinking "every silver lining has a cloud", try switching it around... :)
Of course, the other thing to get your head around here, is that if the 99% wotsit is true, then you're surrounded by some pretty shallow peeps.... try expanding your circle of pals to include some more open-minded folks. What's so fantastic about that 99%, anyway? I bet they've all got something wrong with them that someone, somewhere, will find repulsive as well, y'know.
From a guy's point of view, I can tell you that there are a surprising number of blokes out there who don't give a toss whether you're bald or not, and a whole load who find bald girls very sexy, too. I was in your shoes when I first went bald (they were bloody tight, too - how do you walk around in them???)... I found it hard to get dates and thought I'd never find anyone for me. But you know what? After a while, I did what Stacey recommends. I got to the point where I decided that if they couldn't accept me just because I was bald, then tough - I wasn't interested in them, either. Their loss! (but my hair loss, ho, ho.) And suddenly, I started getting dates... it's not about whether or not you've got hair, it's about confidence, attitude, humour, the way you carry yourself.
You need some self-belief, and that comes from (again, as Stacey says) taking control of the situation. Once you're in charge, you make the running. You'll be amazed how much better you feel about everything, not just your hair - and I bet quite a few of that 99% drop off your social radar too.

Life's too short to piss about worrying about stuff like hair or wasting time with peeps who're being negative. Grab hold of it and live it! Do what YOU want to do!! And see how attractive you suddenly become to guys, even when you're bald!!

The (Social) Norm ;)

Comment by Mary on July 21, 2010 at 1:20pm

Listen to Norm, Alexandra! ( ;-)
Mary

Comment by Petra on July 21, 2010 at 2:17pm

Listen to Mary, Alexander! :-)
Norm, you hit the nail on the head :-)

Comment by Norm on July 21, 2010 at 2:47pm

Alex!! Just listen... to everyone's advice - or we'll be going round in circles here for the rest of the week ;)

I need a drink... I'm off to find a Nailhouse. (An Ale House... yes? no? .... oh forget it... :) )

Comment by Tiffany P on July 21, 2010 at 4:28pm

You have to take care of you first and everyone else later and if they dont like you for you then they need to step aside. I had this fear myself but i'll be darned if i settle. I know you will do what you need to do :o)

Comment by MiNAH on July 30, 2010 at 11:36pm

This is not the Alexandra I know, the powerful strength she usually exudes for everyone. The advise she gives us all! Norm is my greatest friend and what he says has impact and sincerity. Trust this mans word!!!
Personally I would get rid of any man who is ashamed being seen with me.
I have learned the hard way, and now I know better.
For me, it's all or nothing. Let them come to you and you will see it's your own attitude that will draw the right guy into your life. If he has issues about your hair, "THEN IT IS HE WHO HAS ISSUES WITH HIMSELF"
Then it is he who has insecurities dealing with people and their opinions in regards to questioning him about you. Look, as far as I can see, love or not.........whether he loves you or not, there can never be a comfortable medium. He has to grow before it's going to benefit you Alexandra.
Go find yourself a new life..."GO MARRY YOURSELF"
The right guy will come your way.................................."TRUST ME"
Will love and accept you in all your Glory, without hair!!!!!

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