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Sad =( Help?
I just saw pictures of my ex boyfriend with some other girls. (He's the one I wrote about in a bunch of my past blog entries.) I'm pretty sure he's not dating any of them since most of them have boyfriends, but I know he did like one of them and another one kissed him when they were drunk about a year ago. Note: At that point he and I weren't officially dating, but we did have something going on and it upset me A LOT.
So now I keep feeling this sad weight tugging my heart down to my toes. When I see his picture I still get that same feeling I used to get back when I liked him. I haven't been with him for almost 5 months, since I broke up with him (read previous blogs for the story), but I still can't help but secretly hope he's not with anybody else. When I force myself to remember our relationship logically, I remember all of the heartache I felt when I was with him and how I felt lonelier when I was with him than when I wasn't. It was an awful feeling. But then why do I keep feeling sad when I see his picture and think of him? Why do I get sad everytime I think of the happy times we had...which were few and far between.
I started feeling sad again when I ran into him at a concert several weeks ago. We didn't say anything to each other there, but then afterwards he sent me a text message. I responded and didn't feel anything towards him for the rest of the night. But then the next morning I woke up crying and felt that I needed proper closure, since we really didn't have any when I broke up with him. So I called him later - which may or may not have been a mistake. We talked things out, gave both of our perspectives, got the proper closure I wanted, and started joking around and having the same fun conversations we used to have. It's like for a brief moment things felt like the good times again. But then we agreed to just leave things as they were and maybe talk online and say hello if we ever run into each other again. And I felt happy with the way things went. But then it hit me - it's really over. There's nothing more for us. And I got incredibly sad. I cried for three days straight. And then I spoke to my mom - she's the type who could turn your ear into broccoli from all the talking she'll do, and she knew a decent amount about our relationship, so this was a talk that lasted for HOURS - and I felt a lot better. But now after seeing those pictures, I feel kind of sad again.
When I think about it logically I know I'm just imagining things to have been better than they were, but it takes so much for me to think about it logically. And even THEN I still feel kind of sad. What gives? I really want to stop feeling this way every time I think of him or see him.
Alexandra =(
So now I keep feeling this sad weight tugging my heart down to my toes. When I see his picture I still get that same feeling I used to get back when I liked him. I haven't been with him for almost 5 months, since I broke up with him (read previous blogs for the story), but I still can't help but secretly hope he's not with anybody else. When I force myself to remember our relationship logically, I remember all of the heartache I felt when I was with him and how I felt lonelier when I was with him than when I wasn't. It was an awful feeling. But then why do I keep feeling sad when I see his picture and think of him? Why do I get sad everytime I think of the happy times we had...which were few and far between.
I started feeling sad again when I ran into him at a concert several weeks ago. We didn't say anything to each other there, but then afterwards he sent me a text message. I responded and didn't feel anything towards him for the rest of the night. But then the next morning I woke up crying and felt that I needed proper closure, since we really didn't have any when I broke up with him. So I called him later - which may or may not have been a mistake. We talked things out, gave both of our perspectives, got the proper closure I wanted, and started joking around and having the same fun conversations we used to have. It's like for a brief moment things felt like the good times again. But then we agreed to just leave things as they were and maybe talk online and say hello if we ever run into each other again. And I felt happy with the way things went. But then it hit me - it's really over. There's nothing more for us. And I got incredibly sad. I cried for three days straight. And then I spoke to my mom - she's the type who could turn your ear into broccoli from all the talking she'll do, and she knew a decent amount about our relationship, so this was a talk that lasted for HOURS - and I felt a lot better. But now after seeing those pictures, I feel kind of sad again.
When I think about it logically I know I'm just imagining things to have been better than they were, but it takes so much for me to think about it logically. And even THEN I still feel kind of sad. What gives? I really want to stop feeling this way every time I think of him or see him.
Alexandra =(
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Comment by Jeff W on March 21, 2010 at 10:58pm -
Alexandra,
You had some great times with this guy and I can understand you having some sentimental memories. But you know there were good reasons for breaking it off with this guy so leave it broken off. He caused you enough pain while you were together - it's up to you to not allow his memory to continue to do you emotional harm. You need to let go, move on, and wish him well. Look to your future instead of your past. Save your emotions for someone worthy of them!
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Comment by kimberly dean on March 21, 2010 at 11:12pm -
I agree with Alexandra. It is a hard thing to do, but just keep living your life as hard as it gets and love yourself more. Focus on you and your hobbies, dreams, ambitions, talents, friends, family, anything to take your mind off him and that helps you to feel positive about yourself and life
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Comment by Clara S. on March 22, 2010 at 2:42am -
This sounds a bit similar to my ex, I broke it off because of many reasons. Even though I loved him a lot, I was constantly hurt and lived in fear and insecurity. And even after breaking up, i would think maybe things were not that bad...or better than they were. I would only think of all the good times and good things....but I know deep inside, it wouldn't be real happiness holding on to a relationship which hurts me.
The thing is, you deserve real happiness and a deep, fulfilling relationship from a man who will be good to you!! Don't deny yourself that chance and go out there and have fun with your friends and learn more about yourself and what you truly want in a man. Everything else will fall into place. Now is the time to concentrate on you!
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Comment by Norm on March 25, 2010 at 3:00pm -
Whooo, ex's.... a Major Cause of Misery in Today's Modern World. Well, sort of, and only if you let them!
Alexandra, you seem to have already sussed out most of what's giving you grief. Unless you got really hurt and ended up hating each other, you'll always remember those good times... after all, you DID have a relationship, so there must have been something there, right? As you said, after you talked, everything seemed back to its "old self". But you really need that "logic" to handle this - it DIDN'T work out, and there are reasons for that.
It's sometimes tough to stay friends with ex's. I know, cos I'm still pals with quite a few of mine, and yes it can make you sad sometimes, when you think of the fun stuff you did. But, I think of how good it is to still have them in my life... better than not having them at all. We might not be able to make it work as partners, but we can be good friends. And sometimes, you have to take those feelings you have for them, and mentally put them into a box that you then put into the Excess Baggage Room of your mind. It's tough... but it does get easier with time, tho'.
Another way of dealing with this is to start seeing someone else. It's really hard for some peeps to move on, when there's nowhere to move to.... and then you can get caught up in the excitement of someone new, and maybe realise that your ex wasn't as good as you remember!
Anyway, I dunno if this helps or not, but I know where you're coming from with it... so if you wanna chat or whatever, feel free!
Later...
Norm
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Comment by mike on March 26, 2010 at 1:22am -
dude have u read that blog? u really should look it over u urself are saying so u know, that the relationship was bad, whatsup with the whole feeling even lonelier when u where in the relationship? damm u wanna go back to that??
i think u just havent moved on cuz ur 2 confortable where ur at, even if the relationships over and even if ur relationship sucked in the first place, and i know how u feel ive been there soo many times i wont lie it sucks, but hey when the forest burns down theres no where else to go but forward, u just have to see that, and also see that while ur moping around thinking about this guy ur missing out on so many other guys out there who could possibly be much more loving, but its something that as u urself have seen, has to come from within, i mean if after thinking logically and even ur mom telling u u still dont get it, then the problem isnt that u dont know, its that ur in denial, and its usually the girls who have really nice feelings that have this happen to them so i think in cases like this it actually works against u, so dont try, but force urself, to forget about ur feelings fora while and thinking with ur heart, and think with ur head, and make a change, not necessarily dating, but something that keeps ur mind occupied so u dont think about this so much, hobbies, hang out with friends more, read more stuff the internets full of an unlimited amount of stuff to read, take a full load of clases at school, etc, itll get u far enough so that ur no longer thinking about things from ur point of view, but more objectively, like from a 3rd person point of view, and im sure itll make more sense, i wish u luck, but u gotta know 1 thing, in the end u already know the right answer, but the problem is that u dont wanna move on, and it aint gonan be easy, but thats the only way itll work unfortunately because its got to come from u, we've all had to go thru braekups, but u know what the good thing about them is? that from there u move on to the next wonderful person in ur life good luck solving ur dilemma =)
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