It has been a really long time since I was last on this site but I am in need of some suggestions, ideas or input please...

I have a new baby (girl) and I am wondering how others with children have chosen to tell their kids about their alopecia? I know that I have time (though it goes fast) before she will be able to ask questions, but I am still uncertain about how I'll respond.

I have never hidden my alopecia from my baby, nor have I hidden my wigs. However, when she's old enough to ask or speak or anything I am just not sure what to expect.

What have others done? I cannot be the only one out there with alopecia and kids.

Thanks

Views: 211

Comment by Jennifer Krahn on February 26, 2013 at 7:54pm

Hi Amanda,
I lost my hair with my kids and not only did they witness my hair coming out but they also saw some pretty raw emotional breakdowns that accompanied my hairloss. When it came time, I included my kids in the "head shave" and everyone took a swipe. I have an 8 year old girl and a 6 year old boy and I don't hide my hairpieces either. I walk around the house at night in my "buff" (bandana) and both kids are totally okay so far. In fact, my daughter has set out to grow her hair long for donation (tearing up as I write this). My daughter who I am most concerned about has openly but kindly said she wishes I didn't have alopecia (I do too) but it doesn't bother her. When friends discovered my wigs, my girl explained about my alopecia and then they proceeded to play barbies! This opinion may change as she grows into a teen but it may not.
My suggestion is to continue to do what you are doing in being open and honest to her aobut your alopecia while maintaining your confident stature. I think if anything my alopecia has made my kids more aware and sensitive to others needs. You're gorgeous and your babe will think that too. They love us not our hair!

Comment by Rose Marie' on February 27, 2013 at 6:59pm

Hi

I love what Jenn has written and can't really add anything....great post.

Inclusion and communication are the keys I think and as you are already thinking about strategies on how this all might work I'm absolutely sure you will find your way with yourself and your beautiful daughter.

Hugs

Rosy

Comment by MaddiiBoo on March 3, 2013 at 3:22pm

You're such a great mom for being concerned so early. I am sure she will be okay with you hair or no hair. Especially if you're open to it. At first, she will probably be too young to really understand why you don't have hair, but as she gets older she will understand. And on the plus side, I'm sure this will allow her to become a kinder individual who can see past outer appearances.

Sorry I have no kids, but this is the plan of action I'll take when I have them.

Comment by Kate on March 4, 2013 at 2:44am

I'm working as a nanny at the moment and the one thing that worried me was how the kids would react to my bald head. Im on the other side of the world living with a family I didnt know and doing a job I'd never done before but the one thing that bothered me was their reaction to my baldness and how to explain it to them (and other children that I would come in contact with)
People always say that children dont discriminate and it's so true, they didnt care, I'm still their nanny and as long as I play with them they're happy, They're always happy to see me and have never looked at me the way adults on the street do. They're only 2 and have got to the age where they're constantly pointing out body parts "kates eyes" "kates mouth" etc etc sometimes they'll say "Kates hair" and gently touch my head asthough this is just how my hair is. it's never a problem.
When I'm in the park (which often I am) or generally out and about theres always a lot of children that ask me where my hairs gone or look at me slightly confussed but theyre understanding and when I tell them that it fell out they just accept that and continue what they are doing. What really annoys me is when the parents of children tell them off for asking me questions and its no wonder that these undiscriminative children grow into the adults that stare and shy away from me.
I think by being open and honest you wont ever have any problems because there wont be the time that she finds out, it will just be soemthing that has always been there, something that is you.
P.s congratulations :D

Comment by Nani on March 7, 2013 at 6:18pm

I've only had AA for three months now, and have lost 60% of my hair in that time. I have two kids, 6(g) and 9(b). I hid it from the at first when I wasn't rue what its course would be, then I sat them down and talked to them about changes and things that are out of our control. Like when they loose teeth. I showed them my head and a few tears were shed but I told them that it was ok. I've been very strong about this. At home I walk around in a hat, scarf, or just as I am. It bothers my daughter the most bc I have been tracing her to love accept and care for her long curly hair, which was just like mine. It was difficult to discuss this change with them bc I tell them how important our Hawaiian culture is and be proud that they look Hawaiian. As a balding woman this confuses them but they are accepting. I let them help with my wigs or pick what I will wear that day. Share don't hide. Its too big a secret to keep. I feel like if you hide it then you hide yourself. As your kids get older it will be normal for them. I tell the kids that come over and they hardly notice anymore, and its only been a few months.

Comment by charlene sage on March 7, 2013 at 8:38pm

Hi Amanda
I've got a daughter as well. She just turned 21 this week and has been wonderful. I never ever hid my hair loss from her. She has been there through thick and thin and bald :). She has been in the office when I got my needles as well. The whole nine yards. I think being open with her has made her a better person. She is now the person who stands up to the people who make small comments. So don't worry. Kids are fabulous and understand alot more than we give them credit for. Relax and love your little girl. She will accept you for you and you accept her the way she is too. Best of luck. xoxo

Comment by Struth on March 9, 2013 at 5:30am

Hi Amanda!
Congrats on your baby girl. Hope all is going well and you're getting some sleep! :)

I went from AA (post breastfeeding my boys) to AU as soon as I got pregnant with my daughter. By the time she was born, I was bald as a coot!

My boys might know that I had hair, but my daughter only knows the AU me! She's only seen me with scarves or wigs and, when we get home, they get pulled off. Yes, must be odd, but she's a 3 year old and, at the end of the day, so long as she gets a cuddle, she doesn't care!

My boys (8 & 6) have merely been told that there's something in my that made my hair fall out. We don't know what it is. They don't care. It is what it is!

Please don't overthink it - you don't need to prep what to say "when the time comes". Your girl won't even notice. Yes, her friends might make a comment but be the 'funny mum', the 'horsing around mum', the 'caring mum', the 'cool mum' ... they won't care about how follically challenged you are. That's working for me xx

Comment by amanda~ on April 1, 2013 at 10:04pm

Thank you everyone for your comments and support. I know you're all right, I just worry. It comes and goes and I have had AU for longer than I had hair for. Gosh, it's now been 19 years (in April)HOLY!! I am grateful for a place like this where I can share my concerns with people who actually get it and know what I'm talking about and feeling.

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