Alopecia World
It's Hair Loss Support At Its Best™
Hair is not my only issue
I have a load of thoughts in my mind these days.. Fortunately though, I am happy that I am able to control my emotions and not go into the severe depressions I seemed to go into a while back, and for the fact that I can think things logically.. I can safely say that I'm just feeling a little down..
Alopecia does make you go into a rollercoaster ride does it not? Its ups and downs..
It was so crazy at that time when I realized that my stress was severely affecting the health of my hair, and i remember fighting with myself to gain control over my emotions so that it wouldnt affect me..
Somehow through all this I think I became quite introverted, never having had a support team for me, of friends.. my family understood some of the things that were going on with me, but they didnt really 'know' how I was feeling or anything.. they werent sensitive enough I guess..
I cant believe the many times I just felt so so alone.. and I wanted that comfort and support from the people around me.. and I didnt get it.. is it wrong to ask for so little? A little understanding.. time..
And my friends.. I dont know why on earth sometimes did I deserve so many of my friends.. who dont place the same value as I try to place in them.. who are never there for me, always so unreliable, not as committed.. they just dont see things the way I do, that friendship and any relationship has to be nurtured if it is to survive..
And I keep thinking again and again, that I know I deserve better than this, that i have to find people who see the value which I see, and to keep the value I guess.. because all I have been doing for so long is listening to other people's problems, understanding what they were going through, giving them support and comfort.. while I was being empty.. and thats not fair, I should have people who I can trust and who I can place my trust in too..
I dont want people in my life where I have to constantly guide their way, like I'm on the steering wheel. I want people whom I can be on equal footing, that I can equally give and take with.. and enjoy their company as well..
I'm getting so introverted its scaring me.. the way I dont make eye contact with people, face averted, and constant uneasiness and tension around my surroundings.. when in reality I should be a sunny, warm, social and friendly person.. its like I'm scared to trust anymore..
My hair is getting better.. I'd like to think that it is my faith thats healing me and not only just the medications.. because as most of us all know, there's only so much medication can do to us..
yeah, but I was thinking, just because my hair grows, doesnt mean all my problems will go away.. Its just one of the problems.. and its not helping that I also have a little less self esteem and confidence in myself..
Its just not hair. I want meaning in my life too.
Alopecia does make you go into a rollercoaster ride does it not? Its ups and downs..
It was so crazy at that time when I realized that my stress was severely affecting the health of my hair, and i remember fighting with myself to gain control over my emotions so that it wouldnt affect me..
Somehow through all this I think I became quite introverted, never having had a support team for me, of friends.. my family understood some of the things that were going on with me, but they didnt really 'know' how I was feeling or anything.. they werent sensitive enough I guess..
I cant believe the many times I just felt so so alone.. and I wanted that comfort and support from the people around me.. and I didnt get it.. is it wrong to ask for so little? A little understanding.. time..
And my friends.. I dont know why on earth sometimes did I deserve so many of my friends.. who dont place the same value as I try to place in them.. who are never there for me, always so unreliable, not as committed.. they just dont see things the way I do, that friendship and any relationship has to be nurtured if it is to survive..
And I keep thinking again and again, that I know I deserve better than this, that i have to find people who see the value which I see, and to keep the value I guess.. because all I have been doing for so long is listening to other people's problems, understanding what they were going through, giving them support and comfort.. while I was being empty.. and thats not fair, I should have people who I can trust and who I can place my trust in too..
I dont want people in my life where I have to constantly guide their way, like I'm on the steering wheel. I want people whom I can be on equal footing, that I can equally give and take with.. and enjoy their company as well..
I'm getting so introverted its scaring me.. the way I dont make eye contact with people, face averted, and constant uneasiness and tension around my surroundings.. when in reality I should be a sunny, warm, social and friendly person.. its like I'm scared to trust anymore..
My hair is getting better.. I'd like to think that it is my faith thats healing me and not only just the medications.. because as most of us all know, there's only so much medication can do to us..
yeah, but I was thinking, just because my hair grows, doesnt mean all my problems will go away.. Its just one of the problems.. and its not helping that I also have a little less self esteem and confidence in myself..
Its just not hair. I want meaning in my life too.
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Comment by Tallgirl on September 3, 2009 at 11:44pm -
I read this book by Goleman or Goldman called Emotional Intelligence, and it discusses those people who are more attuned to emotions, deep talks, people, etc. Ministers, counselors and talk show hosts would fit into this category, as they talk seriously for a living. Maybe you need to be with people in those fields, colleges, classes...or go into one of those professions yourself. Forget the surfacy people...thet do not "get" depth or real feelings! I think part of the problem for so many on this site is that they had to go into seriousness early in life, and now are really beyond the barflies and partiers but somehow don't know why they still want to be friends with those types. Maybe we have been given a hint by Whomever to look for more in others and within ourselves. Ever think of becoming a hair/wig liason for people having hairloss through chemotherapy?
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Comment by Libby on September 4, 2009 at 2:59pm -
Tallgirl,
You hit the nail on the head. You have expressed what I have been coming to realize myself!
Thanks,
Libby
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Comment by Heather Bloom on September 5, 2009 at 8:09pm -
I've been going through something pretty similar. I was a very social person myself. Then alopecia and a whole bunch of other issues manifested at the same time. I withdrew. No one understood anything. They could not even understand why I even upset about losing my hair, still don't. Now, I'm sort of coming to grips with everything and hope I find the peace of mind I need.
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Comment by margaret and nicole on September 5, 2009 at 10:25pm -
Yoshimi, you are a beautiful person!
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Comment by Barbara on September 6, 2009 at 5:03pm
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Amen! I could have written the same blog! I have not told very many people because I think for the majority their response would be supportive, but behind my back it would mostly be curiosity. I don't want to be the recipient of someone's pity, nor be a source of entertainiment or a conversation item. I really would like this just to go away and I could regain my confidence. My hair is SLOWLY coming in. Some areas starting to get overall hair - such as it is - and some areas I can find a baby hair or two using a magnifying glass. But the depression is disabling at times. And I am now dealing with a potentially serious health issue, for which I see a surgeon on Wednesday. More secrets to keep. Losing my hair in patches has been so hard. And more than just losing it, but not knowing the course it will take (grow back and fall out again as soon as I gain confidence? Become AT or AU? Grown in only to fall out when I am away on vacation and away from my wig?) is the worst!
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Comment by Yoshimi on September 11, 2009 at 11:37pm -
Thankyou everyone for your comments.. I did find them meaningful.. Yeah Tall girl, I think what you said really made some sense to me.. :)
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