Comment by Krissie on April 17, 2010 at 3:57am

My heart goes out to you. I often feel defeated at times. As you know, there are good days, then there are VERY bad ones. I think you are much like me: planner, but also a fighter. I am one who fought for all that I have in my life at this point. The hardest part is being a strong person, but fighting a battle that you feel u can't win, pushing against a problem that u don't really understand. I hope u try to surround urself with family and friends that are understanding. I spent all of last year in my apartment crying for days at a time. My family grew very worried about me. It is very difficult to keep the pieces of yourself together. it sometimes feels as though this controls every aspect of your life. I don't like that either. I just want to be free of it sometimes. I too wish i had the courage to shave and devout my life to wigs...i guess im just scared. But i do know one thing...I don't want it to be the first thought when i wake, or the last thought before i sleep. it seems to be that way though. If you need to talk...just let me know. I feel your in the same mindset as I am right now. Just know that it will, i believe, get better. Losing our hair doesn't change who we are...we just have to live life a little different from others.

Comment by Clara S. on April 17, 2010 at 8:15am

Hi Joycelyn, I hope you will feel better soon. Maybe you are just having a really tough week and you will feel and see things in a better light tomorrow. It is hard to play this waiting game, of not knowing when or if it will grow or fall out again. It sucks and there's no denying that but at least we can come on here and vent it out when we need to. It's nice having an outlet to do so but hopefully after it will help you feel better. I'm sure we all will go through days like this too so don't let this get you down! Remember we are not our hair!

Comment by Pat Latina on April 17, 2010 at 11:30am

Hi Jocelyn! (((HUG))) I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible day. Making decisions about our hair is so difficult. I know exactly where you are I went through them same thoughts - finally I made the decision that best worked for me - shave it off. I was tired of seeing the hair going down the drain and constantly having to sweep my bathroom floor every time I combed (cause I stopped brushing a long time ago) it out. Shaving was the best thing I did FOR ME. Do I miss my hair everyday, but not worrying about it falling out gave me a sense of freedom. Yes, I have to wear this wig every single day but it can be so much worst. Jocelyn, you are a beautiful person inside and that is who you are with or without hair. I know that you will make the right decision FOR YOU at the righ time. I pray that you will gain peace and find comfort/support in your family and your friend. Hope that this day will soon past and you will realize how special you are and that we are still the same person inside just with less hair or 'NO HAIR' in my case. LIVE, LOVE, and LAUGH alot. I'm here for you if you need to talk. Can't wait to see you again in July.
Pat

Comment by Mary on April 17, 2010 at 2:09pm

Hang in there, Jocelyn! I felt the same way on this journey - I'm a planner, too, and I hated feeling out of control. I finally took charge and shaved my remaining hair off (see photos on my page of the night before and day of shave), and I felt like I was back in control. Then I tried wearing wigs, and they just don't work for me. It's taken me a couple of years, but I'm at a point of acceptance and pride...this is me.

As Pat says, you will come through this, and you will come to realize that you're still YOU, with or without hair.

Take care,
Mary

Comment by Jocelyn on April 18, 2010 at 9:17pm

Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words. I do need to recognize the progress I have made, going from crying to daily to once in awhile is a pretty big accomplishment on the road to acceptance. I am definitely weighing the decision to cut my hair or buzz it or leave it carefully. I agree that I need to let the answer evolve, I'm just one of those people who opens the mail in my elevator because I can't wait until I get into my apartment, so I guess I was hoping I would have my immediate answer when the feeling bad hit.

I feel a lot better after posting this little blog .. now I see why everyone does it :) Thanks again you guys are truly amazing .. xo

Comment by Lee on April 19, 2010 at 1:56am

It sounds like you are handling it pretty well, actually! I'm not sure how long you have had this condition, but the first yr or so is usually the hardest. You can hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Make sure you are prepared mentally. Counceling can help a lot! I'll tell you what they all told me ( which is true btw) It gets easier, promise!

Comment by Leslee on December 26, 2010 at 4:05pm

hey i am finally on again... are there any other fundraisers coming up? I would love to help more this time... let me know... we have not really talked about how u r feelin lately. I know this has been really hard, the eyebrow and such... if you want to talk then let me know. Know that u will always be beautiful on the outside and inside. love mom

Comment by Pat Latina on December 27, 2010 at 7:26pm

 Hi Jocelyn, just wanted to stop by and say HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!  And, Yeah we're on vacation. I agree with your mom - from the moment we met @ the Salon in NYC I knew you were one of them special kind a ppl.  You are as beautiful outside and I know it comes from the inside.  You are well rounded girl and you should be proud of that. Sometimes I think that if I didn't have Alopecia I would not have ever met you all many of the wonderful ppl on AW.  I consider myself blessed to know you and have the opportunity to share the same surrounding when we can.  Take care and God Bless you today and always.  Happy New Year!!! Enjoy the moment, for tomorrow is unknown to all of us. 

Comment by Jocelyn on December 28, 2010 at 10:24am

@ Mom - nothing is coming up yet except a support meeting on the 10th that I may miss because I may have to do an evaluation at the UFT :( - I was thinking of talking to Shuly's about doing like a styling class or something and if not Pure Spa so maybe something will be in the works soon. I'm doing OK - I actually saw some eyelashes sprouting! I am also starting rogaine on the eyebrow so lets see how that goes. Thanks though :)

@ Pat - Happy Holidays!! I feel very fortunate to have met you even though it is through this craziness :) I am missing you and we have not gone for a mani/pedi like we said :) Maybe after this snow goes away we can figure something out. I hope you are enjoying your time off too! I am loving doing NOTHING!! Speak to you soon!

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