Alopecia World
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Teasing!!!
Well, so much for Della getting through the first few days with no complications. Yesterday during recess a little boy took Della's hat and glasses and threw them on the ground. Then, when Della tried to get them back, he grabbed them and ran off. Even though my twins are in different classes, Angel chased him and tried to get them back for her. I guess even some of the girls that she plays with tried to get them back as well. This is all new to her so she didn't know what to do. When the bell rang the boy ran to class and dropped her stuff. Della went in to her teacher crying and told her what happened! To my disgust, Della and Angel told me what happened on the way home from school. I didn't know anything from the teacher, and she has been so good to us! Della did not know who the boy was. So this morning I asked Della to point him out to me. His parents were not around to discuss the issues. I went in to the class and asked the teacher for a moment to talk. She asked if it was about the incident. I told her that I was so distraught about the event and would not have it happen again. She agreed that it was a problem and told her students that things like this would be inappropriate. I found out that this boy was in Angel's class. Della's teacher promised to discuss with the child and Angel's teacher about the problem and what the results would be if it were to happen again. I'm just so frustrated because we had such wonderful days to begin with, and this has been a huge hump. I am just so frustrated that he picked her out of the kindergarten classes to pick on. I think the biggest thing is that all of the kids have been given kindergarten hats to wear at recess, so it's not like she's the only one wearing a hat. I think it's the majority of the kindergarteners. Is her alopecia that obvious? He wasn't even in her class. Maybe he knows Della through Angel's class. They all meet to play together and we get in line at Angel's class in the morning to go into the classroom. I'm not sure how this came about, all I know is that it needs and will stop. The school nurse and the kindergarten teachers and I are writing an excerpt about alopecia to all the parents to include in the newsletter. They are going to be requested to explain and discuss the information with their children. Maybe this will expand the knowledge to the parents and children and reduce the teasing.
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Comment by Tony on August 28, 2008 at 6:17am
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Sorry to hear that Della had such a rough day. I'd ask you to give her a big hug but I'm certain you've already done that. Good for you for speaking up and to Angel for sticking up for her sister. Kudos to you for being proactive with the newsletter info. Even the best of parents are sometimes oblivious of what goes on when the kids are at school.
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Comment by Carol on August 28, 2008 at 9:38am
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Unless he verbally teased Della specifically about not having hair, I think that he could have been teasing her because he likes her. She must have an incredible personality if she could manage to do what she had done to introduce her alopecia to the class. So until you know the specifics don't go nuts assuming it's her alopecia but it is a good idea on your behalf that every parent understand alopecia and talk to their kids about it. Even a fundraiser for alopecia that the whole school could participate in would encourage them to see this in a better light.
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Comment by Sharon on August 28, 2008 at 11:42am
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Hi Miranda. So sorry that this has happened. I found others comments quite interesting really and did look at this from the other angle. Nicole has also had incidents (not major or many) at school which have been dealt with rather quickly, and we have always encouraged her and told her that it isn't her who has the problem and to hold her head high which she does do................however as a parent it is flippen hard to watch your child have to go out everyday knowing that people can be so nasty. On the flip side of that if our children didn't have alopecia kids could find some other reason to tease them whether it was because they were too short to tall to shy.............anything out of the usual children will hone in on..............it's how we help our children cope with these situations that matter because alopecia or no alopecia life can sux at times it's our attitude that counts and will get us thru those tough times.
Anyway from one Mum to another I understand and send you a big hug. I do hope Della is feeling ok about school.........tell her to hold her head high and as someone else said that boy probably thinks she is cute lol =) which she is.
Take care
Sharon
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Comment by Carmella on August 28, 2008 at 5:15pm
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I'm not one to get advice from on things like this (I may be a little over protective of children) but I'm so appauled that a child would act this way. I would probably find out who the parents were and then take there distributor cap while they're at work and wait for them in the parking lot so I could circle their car while they attempted to get it back from me. Kids do not act a fool on their own. Shame on those parents.
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LOL Don't piss Carmella off! I just wanted to mention to Sharon to be careful about telling your daughter to just hold her head high. To me that's the equivalent of "turn the other cheek" which I was told constantly growing up and other than not doing any good, it really annoyed me. I just hope that you are helping her face and deal with her problems rather than stick her nose up in the air. Teasing is a very hard thing to face and it really is difficult to have it handled properly (some schools do not always know how even). It sounds like Della could use another friend going through the same, as well you could get some great insight from their parents. Go to a support meeting where there will be other kids. Two kids from my group are great pals now, despite their age difference and it shows that they really do need each other because no one else understands how THEY feel. Anyways, good luck in solving the issue! :)
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Carol I do understand what it is like to be teased, and I certainly do support my daughter in anyway I can. I have done whatever it has taken to make her feel comfortable and able to cope with what is happening to her. I also still think that whatever form teasing comes in it isn't easy to deal with, I work with children so I DO understand the effects of it, and when it happens I certainly take it very seriously. However, we talk to our daughter about her alopecia and she is ok, sure she has her days like everyone else but she is fine and that is the way we want to encourage her to be, not to be ashamed of who she is but to be proud, hair or no hair. As much as our daughter is dealing with this we also are trying to find ways to help her deal with what has happened to her. Alopecia affects not only the person who has alopecia but those around as well, her journey has been our journey and it has been a long emotional one, no doubt with alot more twists and turns to come. That's why it is good to come to a support community like this to get advice and help because I certainly don't have all the answers we are just doing our best for someone we love.
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Comment by Miranda on September 5, 2008 at 11:23pm
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So, I understand the majority of what you all say. I agree with most, but umm... circling a car, I don't think that'll be on my to-do list anytime soon. HA HA. I get so much input from everybody from everywhere from here to my family. I think that we are going in the right direction as Della's classmates so far have became a pretty close nit group and I think that a few boys in her class would stand up for her within a blink of an eye if it were to happen again. On Monday a blurb in the weekly newsletter will be sent out about alopecia and how emotional it can be on the person that has it. A major thing that was emphasized is that we are very open about it, but was requested the questions are directed to me, not Della. She does no like it much, and I think the questions are being to affect her. I think this place is a great support system, but even though everyone is related through alopecia, everyone is different and copes with everything in a different way. I think that even if it was her twin sister with alopecia, we would be handling it differently.
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Comment by Taylor-Jean on September 10, 2008 at 11:01am
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Dear Miranda:
Hi, I'm Cynthia and we too have had to deal with issues at school. Taylor-Jean (my daughter), had a very bad year of teasing and being bullied last year. This year we are at a new school in a new town. Now, we must start all over. I went to the Principal and he has agreed to put together info that I provide and have all the teachers present it to their classes. This will inform all the students. LeslieAnn suggested obtaining a free video that is available and I ordered it this morning. I will take the video to the school for all to see. Maybe this might be something that you would be interested in? Let me know and I'll tell you how I got it. Take care and know that you all are not alone! Cynthia (B.C., Canada)
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Dear Miranda:
Hi, it's Cynthia again. I had thought about what you did by putting information (about Alopecia), in the school's newsletter and I think that is something that I would also love to do. I'm not great with words or how to put together the info. I wondered if it would be possible to read what you had written up and if you would be comfortable if I used the same to put in my childs school newsletter? No problem if you are not comfortable with that. Hope to hear from you soon,
Cynthia (B.C.,Canada)
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