Emotions are crazy things. I haven't felt this out of control of my emotions since I gave BIRTH! I start off the day feeling strong, then a little thing happens that really shouldn't affect me, but LOOK OUT! I get full of adrenaline and anxious and ANGRY! I get s-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o angry sometimes and I just want to cry and rage, but, of course, I can't! I actually visualize myself throwing a tantrum: kicking furniture, throwing tables, punching walls, screaming, etc. Then I wanna cry. and cry.… Continue

I wore my wig to work today. It was comfortable and I think it looked nice. Of course, the kids were all looking at me (I'm a teacher), however, I had to remind myself that they're SUPPOSED to be looking at me--I'm the TEACHER! :) I was self-conscious and insecure, but it was a first step. I'm looking forward to the day when I can just where a hat/scarf/wig or nothing and be okay with it. Unfortunately, I don't have a "magic wand of acceptance" to cast a spell on myself. I just have to ride… Continue

I have a wig in a box. I'm afraid to open it. I shaved my head to about 1/4 inch. I'm afraid to shave the rest. It's so weird. The hair I shaved was long and beautiful. There just wasn't much of it. I find myself fascinated by how pretty it was when I look at it. I'd forgotten during all my angst. Perhaps it will grow back. As a young teen/adult, I always wanted to have edgy hairstyles--now I've got one! I should just go all the way and shave the rest off. I have really dark hair, so it's still… Continue

drifting

laughter
peace = absence of fighting
calm before the storm


tears
entitlement
selfishness

sinking

what have I created?
There's no one else to blame

never soaring

what I deserve

what did I expect.

Everything.