Alopecia World
Kate
Female
San Antonio, TX
United States
Profile Information:
- Relationship Status:
- Married
- About Me:
- I have been dealing with my diagnosis of androgenic alopecia for four years now, and while I feel significantly more accepting of the condition than I did when I first joined, I still feel a bit shy about being open with my feeling about hair loss. Isn't it funny how hair loss can be so obvious, but also so hidden? Otherwise I am a happy and generally upbeat person. I love to cook, eat, and sew vintage dresses. I work in technology. I am married to a wonderful man and together we travel and explore. More than a great head of hair, someday I would like a dog, a house with a cozy kitchen, lots of vintage clothing, and time to bake every day. (Update: I now have the dog, the house, and the cozy kitchen. I now have less time to bake though, because I am always walking the dog. Ha!)
My hair loss story began when I was 21. I studied abroad in Ireland, where I boldly got a very short haircut (think Felicity) with my curly locks. Well, being abroad was lonely for me and by the time it was over I had developed my first and only severe bout of depression in my life. With the sadness, I started worrying about my short haircut because I could see my scalp and worried my hair was thinning. But... of course everyone (including myself) thought this fixation on thinning hair was a byproduct of my depression and anxiety.
Well, the anxiety and depression self corrected after a few months home, but the fear about my thinning hair has never entirely dissipated. During times of stress I always ended up at the bathroom mirror inspecting my hairline, and I swear finding evidence of thinning locks. However, my loved ones and boyfriend/now husband always saw my concern as a remnant of that sad period of my life and assured me I was stone cold crazy to worry. "You're fine" they would say. "You have plenty of hair" was the common response. And so I would put the worry to rest, temporarily. But this summer a hairdresser in my hometown was styling my hair for the first time in four or five years, and she gently asked me if I had noticed the change in hair texture on the top and sides of my head. My heart sunk, and upon further inspection with a hand mirror I realized that indeed, my hair is thinning all over and especially on top. Yikes!
Now, 10 years after my official worries about thin hair, I have been officially diagnosed with androgenic alopecia (the dreaded female pattern baldness!) by two dermatologists, and the loss is visible even to those who always denied my worries. In some ways it is a bit of a relief to hear the diagnosis, as now I know I was not crazy with anxiety all these years (and if I had to choose between a chemical imbalance in my brain or a chemical imbalance in my hair follicles, I choose the follicles every time!).
I am now four years into my official diagnosis and in general have come to terms with the full realization that my head of heair is a temporal state. Most of the time now I am fine, but sometimes I still find myself wavering between feeling comfortable and confident in my ability to handle this situation with grace, and absolutely sick to my stomach and stricken with fear about the ways this condition might affect my life and my relationships and my overall happiness.
As I mentioned, I feel shy and a bit uncomfortable with this right now, but I look forward to easing myself into the forum and the FPB group. I plan on learning from others' experiences, sharing my own, and hopefully becoming more and more confident in my own strength, beauty, and worth with or without hair.
"Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices."
~Shana Alexander - Do you have alopecia?
- Female pattern baldness
- Are you age 18 or older?
- Yes - I am 18 or older
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