Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Chelsea Freund on January 24, 2012 at 7:45am

It's been my personal experience that there is not a "best" time to tell a man. Out of 50 men, I would say that 3 are okay with it, and 2 of those 3 are fetishists. So if you are going out with one of the other 47, it's not going to matter if you tell him before the first date, on the first date, on the 6th date, or any time, because either he's going to say that it's okay as long as he never sees you without your wig (and how is that possible if you get serious?), or it's going to put him off completely. He may even say, "You should have told me _________!" (and the blank could be beforehand, or after things got more serious), but it really means that he's not okay with it and his time frame is just an excuse. It's stupid and unfair, I know, but just be prepared. I have been dealing with alopecia during most of my dating life, which is 20 years now.

Permalink Reply by Linda on January 24, 2012 at 2:30pm

I hate to say it, but I think Chelsea is right. At least that has been my experience... I have had AU for three years. I have been dating for 6 years. Before AU I never had an issue. Now, men like me and want to see me again until I tell them I am wearing a wig , and then they are gone.... It doesn't matter if I tell them the first date or 5th date...They always disapear after I tell them. I am a postive person and wuld NEVER be seen without my wig, but my experience has been,men cannot deal with it.... I admire women on this site that have had good experiences dating men that don't care if they are bald. I would like to say, there is some men that don't care, but that has not met any yet...

Permalink Reply by holyhairlossbatman!! on March 26, 2012 at 4:05am

thanks for that reply. i'm thinking about dating and i think i will put it on my profile.

Permalink Reply by cadane on January 24, 2012 at 1:31pm

If you're not ready to tell him, that's ok. You can wait until you feel more comfortable, but if he notices, it'll help if you're prepared to talk it. I got AU when I was 17 and still dated quite a bit in high school, college and in my 20's. (My hair grew back in my late 20's, and then around ten years later I got AU again.) I've dated great guys who didn't care about the wig and AU. In college I cried the first time I took my wig off with a boyfriend, but it got easier. Yes, there are men who are shallow and will care, but then I also have family and women I've met who ask why I don't wear a wig. (I do wear a wig sometimes, but only when I feel like it.)

Permalink Reply by Hairangel on February 22, 2012 at 5:36pm

I had my first date....after that issue.
It went all right,after the first date I send him a mail.
So I would feel better too.
So...he send me an mail back,let's stop.His second sentence and it is not about your hair.
I would like to puke at him.
Will it happend all the time?THAT IS NOT FAIR.....

Permalink Reply by holyhairlossbatman!! on March 26, 2012 at 4:06am

I want to puke on him also.

Permalink Reply by Susan on March 4, 2012 at 4:50am

Just be yourself and be honest.

Permalink Reply by holyhairlossbatman!! on March 26, 2012 at 4:11am

See...I am changing wig styles several times a day. I could be a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all in one day....I just LOVE the wigs. And I have noticed that I every once in a great while will try to remember which one I wore to which event in case I want to wear the same one the next time I go but I never do. All that said, I haven't even tried dating. I'm thinking I'm telling up front in my profile with about four of my most common wigs as profile pics. I have the same problem with Facebook. I have a pic up there of one wig. just one because I guess every single person on there doesn't know yet and they don't live in my town so they don't see the change the hair to match the outfit that I do every day. I have been pondering coming out on there, too. I've been pondering that for a long time...I'm going to have to do something because my 25 yr class reunion is in July.

Permalink Reply by Tuesday on April 11, 2012 at 9:54pm

Okay, I'm not single right now but I have to chime in too - I wouldn't think of having a bald head as being a negative in dating. I would consider it a highly effective screening tool - a tool to screen you from men (women) who would be a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME even if you had hair.

If I think of all the shallow or uninterested men I was involved with, when I had hair, I am quite certain most of them would have dumped me because of my AU. However, as it was, with my hair, we still broke up ... for reasons such as they cheated, they were drunks, abusive, liars, thought I was too thin, too fat, not wealthy enough, etc etc.

My feeling is if I had been AU, I'd have avoided more jerks and hopefully wasted less valuable time on such people.

I've met guys ... the ones that have seen my head bald seem to think it's attractive. My husband now ... perhaps he tolerates or maybe he has just accepted it but it hasn't deterred him.

If I date in future, I will be scared too but I know in my heart that the right men/women will accept someone with their alopecia.