Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Auntie Sheila on January 9, 2011 at 7:29pm

I just joined eHarmony, and have been very nervous about meeting someone and then having to tell them! I have been talking to one man, and he is also widowed, with 2 daughters (young). I told him upfront, about the 3rd mssg. I told him that I wanted him to be able to google it so he could decide if he still wanted to talk. He is actually serious about finding someone to share his life, that's why I was seriously upfront with him. Even if nothing comes of this, I din't want him being shocked later. He was VERY supportive and even made me cry he was so encouraging. He asked several questions and totally wants to keep writing. We'll see where it goes.

A man at church today was complaining about being bald (he's in his 60s) but had gone bald "early." I looked over and told him that he had more hair than I did! It kind-of shut him up. (I lost mine in April...due to meds most likely, but docs don't think it's coming back). He was also very supportive since his mom had lost her hair during chemo. (I thought he already knew, but guess he missed it when my pastor has teased me about buying a blonde wig for my blonde moments during Sunday School. I have always been a brunette!)

Good luck with your relationship!! I hope this helps! I will pray for you!

Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on January 9, 2011 at 7:36pm

I will be praying for you too regarding your relationship. My son, divorced with 4 children, met a lovely single woman on eHarmony last year and they are getting married in May.
Your thoughts have helped me. Thanks. I had thought about having him google Alopecia instead of talking about it with him if this date leads to more but I guess I'll see how things go. He seems to be a very understanding man but you never know.

Permalink Reply by JasonNoVA on April 11, 2011 at 4:18pm

try OKCupid!

Permalink Reply by Laura Ecklund on January 9, 2011 at 8:22pm

Hi Ann!
I would agree with Sheila in being upfront and telling him. I feel that if you are open and honest from the beginning that will be better in the long run of a potential relationship. It is somewhat putting yourself on the line with being vulnerable and not knowing how he will react, but God calls us to love everyone. If he is going to judge you or think of you in a different light simply because of your Alopecia, then you know he is not the one for you. I will be praying for you and for him, that he would be open and receptive to this uncontrollable disease and he'd see you as beautiful and strong in the Lord, not through physical and external looks. I pray that you would be given discernment from God on how to handle this situation, self confidence, and courage in the woman you are! Best of luck and let me know if there is anything I can do to help :)

p.s. Sheila-I will be praying for you as well with the man you are talking to on eHarmony!

Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on January 9, 2011 at 8:34pm

Thanks so much, Laura. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers very much.

Permalink Reply by Auntie Sheila on January 9, 2011 at 9:49pm

Thank you, ladies!

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on January 10, 2011 at 3:31pm

I was already married for 3 years when my hair started falling out, and there were times when I thought, my husband couldn't love me or acccept me...and 28 years later we are still married and love each other....we actually just participated in our Church's Christmas program with "cardboard testimonies" my sign about being "diagnosed with alopecia at 21 and dealing with acceptance", and "how God is greater than any of lifes problems" and husband by my side with his sign saying, "supported wife of 31 years" keep in mind, I walked out without my wig on, bald headed and my husband even kissed my head while in front of 1200 plus people. just to show that there are guys who see deeper than exterior and that's what you want, we are so much more than our hair, of course it's a loss that we have to cope/deal with and with Christ all things are possible. Life goes on, live it to the fullest. I too, say be up front with the person. pray for God to give you the courage and to know when the time is right. my prayers are with you too.

Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on March 4, 2011 at 12:03pm

Just an update on my relationship. I'm really glad I didn't tell him about the alopecia because we are not dating now and I see him at church every week. It would have been hard, for me anyway. I think we just have to trust the Lord to let us know when the time is right to tell someone. Every situation is different.

Permalink Reply by JasonNoVA on April 11, 2011 at 4:18pm

Ann,

In my dating experience, Alopecia is what you make it. I've had a relatively good amount of success just mentioning it casually. If you grab a box of tissues, make everyone sit down while you talk, and take 30 minutes to explain what AA is, then they might be more prone to think "red flag!"

I always find a good way to bring it up casually. Like I'll share how I don't get sick. The girl I'm with will obviously question that, and I'll follow with "yeah I'm telling the truth. I have an overactive immune system which is a blessing and a curse really, as it's a nightmare on my hair as sometimes it'll attack hair follicles and I'll get a bald patch. But hey I get paid for the sick days I don't use, so I'll take it."

I am extremely picky with girls and have had two girlfriends (one I'm with currently). They've both been there for my AA episodes (right now I'm probably missing 1/3 of my hair) and truly neither cares because I treat them well otherwise, and I don't let it run my life. Realize that EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING has some imperfection. Some people's are just more visible than others.

Now, I say all this, but I'm not some stone wall of security. Every time the wind blows I wonder if it's going to reveal one of my carefully covered and heavily hairsprayed bald spots. I'm going to meet my girlfriends family for the first time at Easter for a few days, and have no idea how to handle it (tell them? let her tell them in advance? sleep in the basement so that I can shower first thing in the morning and avoid it?). who knows what I'll do. But I do know worrying about it doesn't help, and if AA is as stress-related as people say, it'll actually make it worse!

Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on April 11, 2011 at 5:59pm

Thanks for sharing. Good thoughts. By the way, I am now seeing again the guy I mentioned on 4/4. Getting to know him as I am, it's not going to be hard to tell him about the alopecia, when I feel the time is right. He is extremely kind and sympathetic with everyone and looks right to the hearts of people.

Permalink Reply by Gail M on April 20, 2011 at 9:18pm

After a few dates, I usually tell a guy. Most of them just say, they knew I wore a wig but didn't matter to them to begin with and doesn't "now". The first date? too soon Second date? Not yet Third or fourth? why not?

Permalink Reply by Hallie on May 7, 2011 at 5:16pm

I know in some sort of way how you feel. You are all confused on what to do and are concerned if the person will still like you. Well I think you should just leave your wig at home one Sunday and approach him at church. Tell him how you feel and tell him the truth and if Gods plan is for you two not to be together then so be it.

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