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Permalink Reply by Andrea on November 1, 2009 at 1:27am

In the middle school age, they are the most insecure of their lives. This being the case, certain kids look for ways to put others down and thus feel better about themselves. 10-14 is not too young for a moral lesson on "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" but you have to be sly about it.

I would probably say something to the effect of, "It makes me sad that you feel so badly about yourself that you think you'll feel better by putting others down. Did that help you?" I can guarantee it will leave them stunned. A follow up of "Would you like to talk about it?" will put him on the spot and in the center of attention which he wants, but not in the way he wants it. Suddenly instead of a clown, he looks like a jerk. There is SOMETHING he is very self conscious of.

This kid is already a bully, with little or no respect for authority figures. Sometimes a good healthy dose of shame is needed.

Younger kids can probably accept your explanation, but middle school kids are sorta from another planet, LOL.

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Permalink Reply by Carissa on April 15, 2010 at 11:09am

I don't know about saying that. If a teacher had said that to me when I was in school, I would have scoffed at them and said that was poor comeback. We would've still made fan of her/him/whoever. And because she's a sub, it makes it even worse. I remember we used to get away with so much crap when there was a sub around.

I think just being honest, and direct. Just keep it simple. "I have AA. I'm allergic to my own hair." or something to that effect. It answer's their unasked questions and curiosity without going into the personal of it for you, and allows them to understand the situation a little better.

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Permalink Reply by tamgirl on November 1, 2009 at 7:22am

I teach teenagers at a school, age 12-19 yrs old.
The teenagers in my class have the age of 14-19. I dont wear a wig so they know straight away something is different about me.
I am very open about it and my colleagues to, my collegagues always tell the kids they can ask me.
i have learned that being open about it, helps for others to understand to.
I think if ppl are trying to avoid giving answers, the questions will remain and it also becomes a dark secret of you.
Teenagers love excitement and may start to use it against you, so being open will help.
If you show yourself vulnerable, kids will learn that they can be open and vulnerable to.
If we dont educate, kids or ppl wont learn to understand or to feel compassion.

so explaining like u did, is perfect. Take your time when you try to explain it, so they can feel your open and serious about answering their questions.
Good luck, your doing it well

Tam

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Permalink Reply by Aimee on November 1, 2009 at 7:26am

I think the more open and nonchalant you can be, the better. I'm about to start working with kids and teens. I *think* nobody will notice that i"m wearing a wig, tattooed eyebrows, and that I have no eyelashes. But just in case somebody does say something, like your student did, I will just say, "Yeah, I lost all my hair this year. It's called alopecia. I'm totally healthy in every other way, I just don't have any hair." I have got the "I have alopecia" statement down to 15 seconds or less ;) I think the way you handle it helps you become a good role model for how to handle adversity. If the student is being outright mean, I would handle it the way you would any disciplinary manner, because the student is being disruptive. Good luck (to both of us :)

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Permalink Reply by Hilary Chentow on November 1, 2009 at 2:04pm

I can totally relate to your experience!!! I substitute taught for many years, both with a wig and with a scarf. I learned the hard way that rude and disrespectful questions (especially from middle schoolers) were something I should predict especially in the middle of math class or some other moment when I was least prepared for them. I decided to bravely face these remarks on my appearance from the get go and kind of used the "shock factor" approach to get their attention and quickly steer the curious questions about MY appearance to their own experiences with teasing. I would ask them has any one here ever been teased for looking different? How did that feel? Have you ever teased anyone else for looking different? Then I had a discussion about my classroom expectations/rules based on my own expectations of politeness instead of rudeness. Boy did this ever work to make my life as a substitute teacher effective! I was actually able to use my personal experience as a way of CONNECTING to the very difficult and real pressures teens face to conform and the painful secrets they ALL hold for being different in both invisible and visible ways. Good Luck!

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Reitmeier on November 1, 2009 at 4:02pm

Thanks, you guys had some good ideas!

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Permalink Reply by Dominique Cleopatra on November 1, 2009 at 7:58pm

I agree with Aimee 100% this is how I would handle it. Simply non-evasively and to the point. Then get on with the day's math lesson.

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Permalink Reply by Kristine Wagner on November 11, 2009 at 8:58am

I substitute teach as well but I don't wear wigs, I prefer scarves. I have a colleague that has Aleopecia Areata and I asked him how to approach children with that topic. He told me to tell children (especially the young ones) that you are allergic to hair. They understand allergies more than telling them that you have Aleopecia Areata.

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Permalink Reply by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on November 11, 2009 at 11:14am

Amiee"s approach is like mine. Nonchalant, very short, to the point.

I think everyone of every age understands the idea that everything that grows can also stop growing. "My hair used to grow but it stopped."" And where appropriate the additional "Hair comes in many styles...long, short and mine is gone."

There's a lot of emphasis on "I've lost my hair." which is how we feel especially with a new diagnosis... a blow to the self image and a loss of what we had.

But, for the benefit of others " "I don't grow hair normally like most people you know" is less emotionally charged. Simple. Accurate. To the point.

The allergy idea is not true and can lead to promotion of innacurate information. The sooner that this generation of children hears the words alopecias = people who don't grow hair, the closer we get to wider public understanding for all generations.

Thea
baldgirlsdolunch.org

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Permalink Reply by Gale Moorman on February 4, 2010 at 5:34pm

Hi. The rude middle schooler should be taken to the principal's office especially if he is distracting the other children announcing about your wig. After he's in the principal's office I'd explain to the others if they keep asking that you enjoy wearing a wig and just leave it at that. Maybe to further start explaining would open up a hornet's nest and other children would start asking too many questions that frankly they're not there to ask about your situation but to learn schoolwork.

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Permalink Reply by morgan on April 15, 2010 at 3:27am

Wow.. I totally understand.. I am a high school teacher and I started this school year with a full head of long hair.. Gradually it began to fall out in clumps and I spent every penny I had to get extensions to cover it for a few months. I would be lecturing and walking around and the extensions were falling out in my hand (right in front of a class of 16-17 year olds)... My students are sweet, but they have no filters.. so they would tell me.. "Miss.. I think your hair just came out".. and one day when I guess one spot was showing, a student asked me if I had gum in my hair?? I said no and that I just have a bald spot.. no gum.. and then changed the subject. Anyways, about three weeks ago, I hit the ultimate low and couldnt face one more day out in the real world. I went on disability and decidced to figure some stuff out.. AND NOW.. I just got a wig (hair is still dissapearing) and I think it is pretty cool lookiing.. but I go back to work TODAY (in a few hours).. and I can't sleep because im soooo anxious.. I am sure I will hear it all today! I hope you are doing ok and I guess I just wanted to let you know that your post was soo how I feel right now.. -Morgan

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Permalink Reply by Carissa on April 15, 2010 at 11:03am

I think being honest is the best policy. Even if you don't feel comfortable saying it. As soon as that kid had made a comment, whether it was rude or not, I would have responded, "Yes. I'm wearing a wig. It's because I have AA..." and then going on to explain exactly what AA is.

Of course some kids are going to laugh, they're just kids. And frankly, I think we're all used to the laughs and stares. You can't change them. You can only hope they understand and accept what you've said.

When I went to school, I was teased a lot. So, a year or two after I started at the new school my Mom had ordered a vhs tape explainin AA. I don't know where she got it. But anyways, my teacher took an entire hour out of class time to play the tape for the kids. It explained everything. This was when we were in 4th grade, so that age.

After the tape, kids approached me asking questions which I gave simple answers to. I have never had teasing since, nor have people ever given me any 'rude' treatment, if you know what I mean. The staring and pointing, and laughing was gone. Because they understood. And it was a way that I could show them what AA was, without being defensive about it. Because the video told them, not me. :)

Hope this helps a bit. I know kids are jerks and stupid, but it's really because a lack of understanding. They hate what they don't understand. So I think they try to make light of it, because they don't really understand it. Good luck!!!

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