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Shaving my daughter's head
How can I convince my 6 year old daughter that she would be much better off by shaving her head. I have told her from the beginning that I would never force her and that she could make that decision on her own but.... I wish I could push her along a little bit.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tanya Reid on -
Hi There
First of all it is probably harder for you daughter being a girl than my son. But he was pretty attached and had a hard time letting go of his couple of patches too. I finally concinved him by showing him a bunch of pictures of other people whom looked great bald. Then the final bit of motivation.......I told him we could go to the toy store when he was done to "show off his beautiful head while we were shopping", I know this might not be for every child or parent, bu it worked for us. He could take his mind off of his fears and see light at the end of the tunnel. I must say though that if he would have said no, I still would have taken him to the toy store,I would not have "punished" him for not doing it-it was an encouragement not a punishment, I was lucky it worked out very well.
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Permalink Reply by Steph on -
I remember when my son had a head of hair that looked like your daughters. I think you should let her be until she is ready. I know her head looks odd right now, and people might stare - i remember the looks we got from people ( it got me so mad), but she is probable really attached to what she has left. I think showing her pics of other bald woman is a great idea. There are some really beautiful woman on this site. Be strong.
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Permalink Reply by Ms.G on -
If I were you...I would just wait until she's ready! Theres no harm in letting her make her own choice on this one. If it doesnt bother her, then it shouldnt bother you. You should really support her on this one (she really needs positive support right now) and try not to let the looks of other people hurt you so much. Eventually she will agree that its time to shave it.... BE STRONG! You can pass this test & always let her know that shes beautiful NO MATTER WHAT! Nows the time to teach her and show her how to be strong on this subject & always hold her head high.... you could also introduce her to a wig shop & let her try on a few. Maybe she'll like one!
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Permalink Reply by Tanya Reid on
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I have to say that I agree with both of these very smart women! It only worked for my son, because he was "flirting" with the idea. Actually my suggestion may really be a bad idea for someone whom was not ready at all. I believe sending the message that they are just perfect the way they are is the most important thing, and my son loved it at first, but decided against shaving again-so obviously still prefers his wild and sweet little patches( and so do I because it's what he feels most comfortable with).And I no longer care about what people think, and what "other" people suggest would look"better".
I like the approach of just letting it go, but understand that I was not always there....ah what a journey
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on -
Hi
It definately has to come from your daughter, with some positive reinforcing from you. I'd like to tell you a little story about a dear wee girl I meet about 5 years ago. When I meet her she was AU (no hair anywhere - and lovely of course)- she was about 8 years old. Her decision to present herself at the time was to wear a small crocheted hat in a pretty light blue (like a small beanie hat). It had enormous holes all over it which you could see through. I asked her why she loved her hat so much, her answer was 'that nobody knew she didn't have hair when she wore it'. It was quite amazing to me that this little person didn't realise that it was extremely obvious that she didn't have hair even with her beautiful hat on. What the hat did was give her confidence to face the world as she felt protected, even though her reasoning was a little less than what people were actually seeing. I often think this is the way with children, they live in the now. Your wee girl is looking at herself in the mirror and holding on to every hair as even with a little hair (she still has hair) and at this time I'm sure that is very important to her. The thought of having no hair may be abhorrent to her and that is where you come in. Show her all the gorgeous woman on here that don't have hair and reinforce with her how attractive and beautiful that is. Talk to her in soft terms that it may be easier for her to take her hair away as well. If she gets upset - ask her why? Then deal with the issue which may be that she wants hair. Talk to her about her alopecia and how it isn't her fault she doesn't have hair and that it doesn't matter because she is beautiful anyway. We can't change the fact that she has alopecia - all you can do is help her deal with it in the most positive way possible.
I hope this all helps a little.
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by Annie on -
Couldnt have said this any better! This is my experience too from my daughter, they see it differently.
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Permalink Reply by Karen Smith on
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I waited for my daughter to be ready. Her hair all eventually came out on its own. You don't want her to resent you or think you caused her hairloss in any way.
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Permalink Reply by Lauren on
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It is such a hard thing to come to grips with, even at 22 and knowing that it was the best option i struggled to shave my head...so i can't even imagine how hard it must be for your daughter at such a young age. But I think it is best for her to come to terms with it and make the decision herself, as hard as it is for you to watch!
Good luck, wishing you all the best :)
PS maybe get her a really cool hat :)
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Permalink Reply by Annie on
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I too would just wait and bite my tounge. My daughters hair looked like your daughters for a while, and then it actually looked worse..se our photos. She lost all her hair without ever shaving. but she wasnt "there", it is emotional even for an adult to do that. It appeared she was about 1month behind on her real development. She thought she had more hair than she actually had. And I think they need to go ahead in their own speed. The other thing I noticed was that she didnt see what I was seeing,because she was looking at her face from the front, and never from above. And she was quit happy with that! As long as she had hair falling down on her shoulders, hair to put around her ear etc, she wasnt bother by her alopecia. And why not let her feel ok with it as long as possible!
Of course she might get remarks from the people she meets, but looking back, I think I took that much harder than she did.
Hang in there, it is difficult to see ones child changing like that. but it does get easier. From time to time it feels worse again, but to me the Change was an obstical in itself.
What you could do, dont know if it would convince her, but it would at least prepare her for what might lie ahead. Is to watch as many pics on internet of pretty women and children with Alopecia. Check aout Olivia Rusk, who is a girl that my daughter made into her idol. It feels good to have rolemodels if you re about to go bald. Check out camps etc where you daughter can meet other kids with alopecia. It made a huge differens for our daughter.
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