Hi everyone,

Just wanted to get everyone's opinion on how you react to people asking what's wrong. I recently went out for a bachelor party and twice that night I had people call me out for my baldness. It's one thing when it's one on one but right in front of everyone really got to me. I had to step outside and regroup. I've had alopecia for 10 years and I wish I could say I don't let it bother me anymore but in the back of my mind I don't know if that will ever happen. I try to explain what it is but a lot of the time they don't care and I just get upset

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Sorry you had to go thru an 'inquisition'. Some people just don't have any couth, some are naturally inquisitive, and some are totally insensitive.

Personally, I usually take it as an opportunity to tell others about Alopecia - in a very short descriptive. Something like: I have an auto-immune disease called Alopecia that caused me to lose my hair.

Or, if they are kind of catty about it, I turn it back on them. If they ask what's wrong with you (in a condescending manner), I answer with: What makes you think anything is wrong? Then walk away.

I have never had anyone ask me why I wear a scarf (my headcovering of choice) except by my partners daughter-in-law who just said 'What's with the scarf?' I always try to carry myself confidently and am never ashamed of how I look. Its when you show even just the teeniest bit of insecurity that sends a signal to others. And, that's when they will pounce on you.
I totally get what you're saying. Sometimes I hate when people ask because the second you start explaining you can tell by their demeanor that they've already stopped caring... almost like they wished you did have cancer... I've even had people argue. Yes literally argue with me and try to tell me that I am sick... I never win those fights, I eventually just shut up and accept their condolences! But I've never had anyone approach me in front of a group ... while I was with another person, yes, but not in a group. So before I say my next part I'll share that it would absolutely mortify me, especially depending on who the group was, I'm not a spotlight person in any situation. But when I lost my hair a lot of people went to others to ask what was 'wrong' with me, some I'm sure out of pure curiosity and others truly out of care. What I always said is that it's hard enough for me to stand in front of others so if anyone wants to know, they can grow a pair and ask me to my face. I can imagine that it was probably not easy for that stranger to stand in front of a group of your friends and ask the question. Also after 10 years, which is longer than me, I'm sure you can say that on average, the people who ask are either members of your past, or someone that has been affected by a situation they correlate your baldness to.

Sometimes I try to understand where they are coming from and why they are asking because they don’t know what it’s like to go through anything like this or know how it feels to be judged. But on the other hand, I was raised to never look at someone as different no matter what and I think having alopecia has also helped that due to the fact that we DO know what it’s like so we would never want to put someone in a similar situation that we fear. This site has been nothing but helpful in getting things off my chest and talking with others who understand so thank you!

I think many of us have been asked if we have cancer, but I think the oddest 'call-out' I've gotten was someone asking me if i was in a car accident or had brain surgery. I think its normal to get upset, and useless to deny that that's your true feeling about the situation. What matters is can you move past that, and not dwell in it. The fact that you're able to regroup is great. I think people that say they don't get upset about it are probably kidding themselves, or maybe what they really mean is they don't STAY upset about it, which I can relate to much better.

Brain surgery? Car accident? 

Wow... people can be harsh man.

People in general don't realize the impact of their words.

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